Push Presents: Tacky Or Trendy?

Should you demand another $5000-$10,000 engagement ring or a cocktail ring for having a baby?

“I pushed out your baby and now I want diamonds!” 

I kept hearing ladies describe certain jewelry to me as a “Push Present”.  It’s been flowing in and out of conversations I have had with women who have an engagement ring times two.  Sometimes, I will talk with ladies who have two engagement rings, yet the ‘other’ ring is on the right hand or on another finger of the left hand.

Recently, Arlene S. told me that she was pregnant with her second child and she was back at the jewelers to look for another “Push Present”.  She already had a 1.5 Ct engagement ring and her 1 Ct. diamond cocktail ‘push present’ from giving birth to her first child.

I get it now, Arlene.

A push present (also known as a “push gift” or “baby bauble”) is a present a new father gives a new mother when she gives birth to their child. In practice the present may be given before or after the birth, or even in the delivery room. The giving of push presents has grown in the United States in recent years. Via

I had to write a post about this because I was so shocked by it.  I had never heard of it.

But, not that it’s all out in the open, what do you think of it?

Is it trendy or tacky? 

What does etiquette suggest?

What does Seriously McMillan say about it?

I say tacky!  What I find tacky about the whole thing is that it seems like such a materialistic view to have during such an important time in the lives of a new mom and dad. 

New parents have so much to think of.  Is the baby healthy?  Will the baby sleep through the night?  There is so much to consider, it seems a bit selfish and greedy to request such a gift.

There is a fine line.  It can be wholesome when it’s really something within the realm of the couple, yet it can be tacky when people start demanding.   It’s one thing to be a diva and another to be a gold digger…and it’s even worse to be so self-absorbed that you are both.

Does that mean I am totally against it?  Nope.  I think it’s an interesting idea and it should be considered a present if a man and woman talk about buying such a gift.  Talk it over.  What does he say?   Are you going to buy your own?  Is he buying a push present or baby bauble other than a charm, pendant or a pair of P.J.’s and herbal body wash? 

I think push gifts or presents, even using the words, puts a demeaning value on becoming a mother.  It belittles pregnancy and the experience of giving birth to your child to nothing more than a womb-for-hire.  Ewww.  Tacky!

 

Read about the difference between a gift and present here!

Another way to look at it seems like payment or reward for having a baby.  I think with your new bundle of joy, one should be overjoyed enough.  Right?

Win A Free Copy Of She So Ghetto!!

I’m giving away books!
Win a free copy of She So Ghetto!
This is the updated/abridged* copy that has not been released.

What do you have to do?

Write a blog post about a time that you have had an experience with a rude person. What did you learn from it and how did it make you a better person?

One entry a day will be chosen and posted on the She So Ghetto blog.

Each daily winner (10 total winners) will be sent a goodie bag of stuff, including a T-shirt, tote bag, an autographed copy of She So Ghetto* and more!

For official contest rules, send me a message on Facebook.

All entries should be sent to me via Facebook.  Click here for my Facebook page or here.

I can’t wait to read your entries. 

Cheerio,
Seriously McMillan

(Should my Facebook page have an error, just do a FB search for Seriously McMillan)

Diamonds 101 For Guys: A Quick Guide To Buying An Engagement Ring

Hey everyone, after an extended spring break, I’m back.  Another reason I took a break is because things are going in an interesting direction with my new home in the bridal industry.

A perfect marriage (no pun intended) between etiquette and me.

As a consultant in the bridal industry, I know about what a guy goes through when it comes to buying a ring.

Picking out the engagement ring is one serious pre-engagement item. The price tag can be astronomical, but what guy is going to avoid this to propose to the lady of his dreams?

Guys, I’m thinking of you in this post, and this really is the tip of the iceberg. There are tons of questions about cuts, clarity, carats, color, gold, white gold, settings, side stones, baguette, channel settings and more.

My goal is to keep this post as simple as possible. Take notes and do more research. This post is meant to be the breeze before the wind to help you take flight into the world of the engagement rings.

1. Setting Up The Setting: To make things simple, let your lady choose out the setting of the ring.  What you can do is purchase a classic, no-frills, Tiffany-style setting to hold the center stone diamond of your choice.  This setting is usually a temporary setting used to make the proposal to your girlfriend.  This is also a way to avoid having the ring sized or buying the wrong size for her.  This setting can be in gold, but a sterling silver one is not a bad choice.  This makes things simple and easier for you in the beginning, then she can have an input on the type of permanent setting she would like to wear with her diamond .

2. Carrots, Carats and Karats:  The weight of a diamond is measured via the carat. So, be careful. Women sometimes fall into this trap of trading carats for bragging rights and not what the ring actually looks like on her finger.   So, when she says she wants at least a carat, go with what your budget allows.  Sometimes, some 3/4 carat diamond can look and feel larger than some 1 carat diamonds.  Even she might be surprised.   By the way, Karats, with a K, is a unit of measurement for the purity of gold.  For example: 24K.  Karats have nothing to do with diamonds, carats do, although they are sometimes interchangeable with their spelling.

3. Dont Get Stuck In A Princess Cut Rut: What in the world is wrong with the princess cut of a diamond? Absolutely nothing. It’s just a cut of diamond that got lucky enough to be named princess. Other cuts on a diamond are just as lovely. Don’t get stuck in thinking that there is nothing else in the world to buy or just buy it because of the name of the cut. The cut is just a name and says nothing about the beauty of the diamond. All cuts of diamonds have their charm. There is the classic round cut. I don’t know any lady who doesn’t want a round cut diamond. Even Barbie had a round cut diamond piece of plastic on her finger from Ken. Other creative cuts of diamonds are emerald cut, asscher cut and marquis. Do some research on the different diamond cuts. My personal favorite is the asscher cut. Don’t forget to do your research about the color and clarity,as well.

4.  How Much To Spend On Diamond Rocks?  There are rules about how much a guy should spend on a diamond for his potential wife-to-be. The rule of thumb is about three months worth of paychecks or salary should be the budget. Yet, what I suggest (to gentlemen and ladies) is that you do what you can do. Do not stretch yourself financially thin to propose to your girlfriend. Why are you buying the diamond and setting?  To brag to your buddies or to show someone that you love them. There are enough diamonds and rings out there that are very chic and elegant, yet reasonably priced.  This is a reason why I suggest getting the Tiffany-style setting first, then allowing your lady to pick the setting for her diamond herself.  Doing it this way, may save you money.

5. Hit Reset For Resetting: After you have made your proposal and she is wearing the temporary setting you have chosen, give her an opportunity to find the setting that she wants. Pick out a few that you think she would like or just take her happiness back into the jeweler you worked with.  Maybe she will choose a setting you think she’d like, maybe she won’t, but what she will do is save time because you will have her with you and not have to guess her ring size. I have known women who suffer through wearing a ring that their fiance picked out that they feel is simply ugly. To avoid this, work with her on the type of setting she wants for her diamond. Don’t forget to consider what metal she would like for her ring setting. Yellow gold, gold or platinum are popular metals as well as picking out a setting that the diamond would look stunning in.

Til Next Time,

Ki

Thank You Manners: 8 Reasons To Send A Thank You Card

This whole topic of writing letters and saying thank you can take up about a years worth of blogging time.  When I write about it, I feel the need to be detailed so there are no mistakes simply because there doesn’t have to be a mistake.

Seriously, when I say I love sending cards, I mean it.  Sending someone a card means so much for you and the person receiving the card.  Why?  It’s more like, why not.  What do you have to lose by showing the other person, in your own handwriting, that you felt the need to take time to show some consideration for their consideration.  It’s a win-win.

1.  After A Job Interview:  It has become a standard of modern culture to send a thank you card after you have had an interview for a job.  It used to make you stand out.  Now, it’s not the most clever gesture, but it is worth doing.  Doing so displays your ability to be civil, grateful and thoughtful.  Even if you are not hired for the job, they still took their time out to interview you.
2. Receiving A Resume: At some jobs, I was in charge of hiring staff.  If I received an emailed or mailed resume, I responded with a thank you note in kind.  Employers, take note!
3. After Receiving A Gift: Wedding, birthday, bridal and the like.  There are standard cards that you can send.  Again, someone went out of their way to make sure you had a happy experience.  Let them know they are groovy for having done so.
4. Anytime:  Is there ever a wrong time to tell someone how you feel about them and how they have affected your life in a positive way?
5. After Receiving Great Service: There are times where I have had such a fine experience at a restaurant, hotel or other establishment that I felt I had no choice but to share it.  I obviously would refer my friends, but more importantly, I have sent thank  you cards to the company simply thanking them (and the staff person in particular) for treating me like a person and not just another set of deep (or not so deep) pockets.  
6. After An Apology:  They’ve made a sincere apology.  Now, the ball is in your court.  Sending a thank you letter after an apology just shows that you’re able to move forward. 
7. To Someone Special: If we randomly sent the special people in our lives a card that says thank you, wouldn’t we be more appreciative about being appreciated?
8. After A Gathering:  Baby showers, bridal showers, dinner parties and the like.  You know the drill.  Sending a thank you card simply says that you appreciate that you were invited to spend time in the kind company of others. 

There are hundreds of other reasons to say thank you.  Can you think of others?

Truly,

Seriously

Wedding Etiquette Chronicles: 14 Ways To Tick-Off Your Wedding Guests

Congratulations.  You are getting married.  Well, I say that and hear that a lot in my current manner and etiquette based , classic day job because I work with couples that are just about to get married all the way to ones with 30 yrs (or more) of marriage under their belt.

I meet men and women all the time who are just about to start the journey of their lives together and do you know what I find interesting?  Most of them feel the pressure to make their wedding day the best day ever.  Should I buy this and should I order that…Back and forth.

Wedding planner this and wedding planner that….

Wedding planners are like personal trainers.  They are there to make sure to stay on track.  They also take their knowledge and expertise about their field, tap into their resources and make sure that the end justifies the means along the lines of what you envisioned.

In the case of a wedding and reception, let’s hope that you planned something memorable and enjoyable for your guest.  How can you celebrate your new marriage if your guests are ticked-off?  Here are some tips on avoiding this calamity.

1. Pre-Marital Waiting: Waiting for the bride.  Here she comes not coming down the aisle.  Wow.  How many times have you been to a wedding with delay after delay?  Unless there is a unaviodable event, get your bridal booty down the aisle.
2. Boring Wedding:  Some wedding ceremonies are so boring, making it more fun to watch paint dry.  Classic, modern or traditional weddings can be done on a time schedule and they should be.  No guest need fall asleep because the wedding is dull.  Keep it moving.
3. Reception-By Invite Only: Cheap people do this.  Rude people do this, too, but do everyday couple do it?  I cannot think of a reason why anyone you have invited to witness your nuptials would not be invited to your reception.  Having said that, I do understand that there are some cases where this occurs.  Trust me, it will tick-of your guests, especially if they are not invited.  The best way to handle this is delicately.  I will address it in an upcoming post.  You may just consider avoiding it, for the most part, if you can.
4. Not Accommodating Out-Of-Towners:  If you have out-of-town guests coming to attend your wedding, who is making sure their accommodations are acceptable?  Don’t let them slip thru the cracks.  If you have delegated that task to someone, follow-up to make sure your visiting guests are comfortable during their stay.
5. They’re Guests, Not Pests: Don’t get so self absorbed that you forget where you came from.  You know what I mean. Hoity-toity people tend to forget that the wedding day is a day of connection and sharing.  Not just with your new spouse, but also with your guests.  yes, it will be a busy day and everyone will want to spend time with the bride and groom, ao, bride and groom, you know this already.  Take a little time during the reception to make your way around the room and greet your guests.  Let your guests know that you appreciate their attendance with a hug, a handshake
6. Wedding /Reception Lag:  If your reception is scheduled soon after your wedding, it is not customary for the guests to arrive and begin eating the buffet (or start shoveling the food) before the bride and groom arrive.  Plan to get to the reception site as soon as possible.  Your guests are starving and they want cake.
7. Uncoordinated Post Ceremony Shuffling:  Where are we going?  Have some one in charge of getting your guests from wedding site to reception site.  Have maps and correct addresses available for the guests to arrive at the reception site without too many wrong turns.  Which way do we go, George?
8. Not Enough Food At The Reception: OMG!  Wedding guests are hungry.  It’s a simple truth and if you do not plan enough for the amount of guests you will have, I totally feel sorry for you.  You will be innundated with complaints or at least you will hear about them through the grapevine.  One way to tick-off a guest is to starve them.
9. Kids:  Kids may attend weddings if they are old enough to sit still.  Babies need their parents, so bringing an infant should probably be alright.  Seriously, consider your wedding and reception.  If you don’t think it will be a kid-friendly experience then simply (and politely) state on the invite that kids are not to attend.  I will write a future post about this.
10. Drunk Reception Guests: If you invite someone to the reception and they have a little too much fun with the open bar, have the person they are with keep a handle on him.  No one wants to pull his finger. 
11. Bad DJ & Music:  Need I say more? 
12. Frowning At Wedding Gifts & Presents:  If you don’t like it, fine.  You have to understand that someone thought you needed the gift of got you what you asked for.  Be gracious when accepting the gift and make sure your facial expression reflect this.
13. Bratty Bride & Groom:  Brides and grooms need not be self-absorbed brats that are not considerate of the people who they invited to their wedding.  Whats the point of watch spoiled brats get married?  Just be on your best behavior.  Don’t start arguments and fights with the guests.  Don’t make derogatory comments to others.  You’re the bride and groom.  Set a graceful example.
14. Those (Damn) Thank You’s:  You can roll your eyes, right, but if you wanna tick people off totally?  Don’t thank them for coming to your wedding or buying you a wedding gift/present.  Don’t send a special thank you note to those who helped organize your wedding, guests who came from out-of-town, or those who arranged your showers, bachelors or recpetion parties.  You are tacky if you don’t…And, thats being polite.  More about Thank You notes in an upcoming post.

Later,

Seriously

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Interview Etiquette: 7 Tips On Landing That Job!

This topic has been talked and blogged about over and over again on the internet, but I deeply felt the need to discuss this again because I know more and more people are out of work and vying for the same positions and hundreds of others.  So, what can you do to stand out?

I have a theory.  Landing a job is more than sending resumes, wearing the perfect interview suit and having minty breath during the interview.

To me, and for me, what worked when I owned my business and hired people was that little something special and it could have been anything.  Anything from an extra sense of politeness, a sense of self-confidence and wit or simply knowing the lyrics to an old school song.

What I mean is, you’ve got to make a connection.  The connection has to be on a personal and professional level with the person that is hiring you.  Honestly, the marketplace is filled with HR and hiring managers who rifle through thousands of resumes and if you look like just another piece of paper or emailed resume spam, then  you have sunk before you even had a chance to fly…or float.

So, here’s my advice about getting a job.  It worked for me as an employer and employee and I hope it works for you.

1. What Can W.O.M. Do For You?:  Mother always said that it’s not what you know, it’s who you know and I have found that to be more true as I get older.  People looking for jobs are often asked to give personal and professional references.  Why?  Why would they trust a strangers comment about you?  Simply because ‘Word Of Mouth’ works every moment of everyday and in almost every situation.  We believe the opinion of others.  Think of the last time you read something, was it recommended by someone else?  Did the recommendation get to you via someone elses mouth?  The same goes for you, as well.  If you know someone who works for the company you are trying to work for, do your best to get them to mention you to the person in charge of hiring and have them vouch for you.  They already have their foot in the door and you may be able to squeeze with them into the next room.
2. Do Your Homework:  Don’t be average.  Be Excellent.  Do your homework on the company you are interviewing to work for.  Find out what you need to do to be the new link in their chain.  In these modern times, it’s bad practice not to do the research.
3. Be In This Moment:  Nothing says, “Please do NOT hire me” like not being in the moment in an interview.  If you really want this job, it’s best to show up and be there, physically and mentally.  Wondering thoughts are more evident than we’d like to think.  Stay ever-present and engaged with the interviewer.
4. What BodyLanguage Do You Speak?  Along with being in the moment is the spirited or sad song of your body language.  Wondering eyes, along with those wandering thoughts I mentioned earlier, are signs that you don’t really want the job.  Keep down the figits, the foot tapping, wiggling and pen clicking or tapping.  Do what you  have to do before the interview to make sure you are in a calm and focused state of mind…and body.
5. Take Those Clothes Off:  Not literally.  I mean, you should dress nicely for the job interview.  Can you ever overdress?  Yes.  I suggest  that you keep your clothing comfortable, yet stylish.  Don’t wear things that are so tight or ill-fitting that you will be uncomfortable and distracted during the interview.  Comfortable clothing does not mean sloppy clothing.  Do wear slacks and shirt or blouse and skirt.  Safe and simple business casual   clothing is the best option.
6. The Classics:  Always follow the classic etiquette of having clean nails, fresh breath and a hint of perfume or cologne.  Keep your hair styled, shoes unscuffed, teeth brushed.   What you are bringing to the company should be on display in the interview.
7. The Follow-Up and The Follow-Up:  For a job that is important enough for you to go after, it should be just as important to follow-up with a Thank You note to the person that interviewed you.  Always follow-up immediately after the interview.  Send and email if you like, yet I prefer that  sending a handwritten Thank You card via regular mail.   It has worked out for me in the past to send a card.  Then, follow-up again about a week later to check the status.  Even if you do not get the position, you might impress in the mind of the person who interviewed you and may be offered another position. 

 Besides, job interviews are like auditions.  You may have to attend a lot of them before you land your role.  Make each one count!

Seriously M.

Valentines Day Etiquette: A Crash Course For Him

Hey guys.

I would think you have this section of life pretty much covered.  I mean, what guy doesn’t know how to make a girls Valentines day memorable.  You’ve been working t making Valentines Day special since you met little Tina Thompson in the second grade.  It didn’t matter that she had one tooth missing.  You heart went pitter-patter when you saved that special Valentines Day card for her and made a sneaky effort to leave it on her school desk.  You watched from afar as she opened the card and smiled.

Click here for the Valentines Day Etiquette: A Crash Course For HER

But, of course you didn’t leave you name on the card.  And to this day she didn’t know it was you who was in love with her.

Well, guys.  Put that bashful stuff away and let loose.  Don’t be afraid of the ladies.

Here are some fun and dashing etiquette tips to leave the ladies in your life with visions of you being the Prince Charming on a steed (or in a car) that you and I secretly know you are.

1. All The Single Guys: I said this to the ladies, as well.  If you are celebrating Valentines Day without a squeeze, you can still enjoy the day by celebrating with the loved ones you do have.  Sitting around feeling bad is not good for anyone.  Enjoy and spend time with the people (or pets) you love.
2. Got A Squeeze?: If you happen to have a main squeeze, you’ll more than likely want to spend the day with her.  Go with your own flow.  You can remain true to yourself and your personality and still have a fun Valentines Day.  Make it just as fun for you as it will be for her.  Give a good effort in the planning area.
3. What A Girl Wants?:  Are you concerned about what the lady in your life will want?  You can always stick with the classics.  Roses, jewelry, card…lingerie (Ahem).  Or you can opt for creating a unique experience with her.  Cook a meal, take her on a mini shopping spree…go for a something original.  What can you come up with?  Trust me.  Ladies love a creative man.
4. Chivalry Rules: Guys, if you’re forgetting to open the doors and take a lady’s coat during the rest of the year, you need to brush up on being chivalrous right now.  You can do that with a previous piece I wrote about chivalry.  Read it here. Here’s a tip, apply them to daily life.  Take a step to treat her like the princess she is, Prince Charming.
5. Grubby Guys Need Not Apply:  Shave it.  Clean it. Cut it. Style it.  I am talking about that grubby hair and beard or goatee.  Also, your clothing for that matter.  Take some time to look nice and smell nice for your Valentine even if you are spending time at home.  Girls love that.  I know I do.  (Don’t forget the breath mint!)
6. Valentines Day Extras:  Do something for your lady that you would probably think is ordinary and dumb, but to a lady, it would mean the world.  These could be the ’Cherry on the top’ items to an already delicious Valentines Day .  Maybe clearing the table and doing the dishes or vacuuming the floor.  Brushing her hair.  Doing the laundry.  Washing HER car.  Putting the toilet seat down.  Do a little extra today.  She’ll notice, especially if you keep it up.
7. Go Classy With The Classics:  If you are going to stick to the classic standards of jewelry, roses, and chocolate.  Give her the best.  Actually, give her better than the best.  Handcrafted jewelry from a jewelry artisan.  Locally grown roses or flowers.   My favorite is Cacao-  Which is a rich, dark chocolate.  This is so good it’s even hard to describe how good it is.  Less percentage of cacao means the less of a bitter chocolate it will be.  I like bitter chocolate so I prefer 100% Cacao!   
8. Do Guys Buy Dinner?:  On Valentines Day, they guy should pay, but there are exceptions and those exceptions are that you could go dutch or the lady could pay.  There are special circumstances.  First, if you set up the date then you are responsible for paying.. This is an anytime rule of thumb.  If she set up the dinner date, she is actually responsible for paying, but it is a more than chivalrous act to pay on  ANY Valentines Day date.  Dining etiquette tips here.
9. Love Your Creative Lady:  You may have a date that resembles more of a scavenger hunt than a Valentines Day date.  It doesn’t matter.  Whatever she gives, show your sincere appreciation.  Even if the gift is a little off your beaten path.
10. Alpha Male Paradise:  Let that shining mans-man and sexy ladies man come out.  If you love your lady the way you tell the world you do, make sure she knows she is the belle of the ball.  She is your princess.  Take care of her and make sure she feels comfortable and loved.  Be a dapper and charming gentleman like James Bond.  He always had the ladies swoon.  He got the women with his sense of class and high style.  He didn’t even break a sweat.  Oh, James.

 Yours truly,

Seriously