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My LOL Tribute To John Hughes: John Hughes “Effed” Me Up!- Orig. Post on 4-19-08

August 7, 2009

John Hughes and his films made an impact on everyone I knew growing up.  It’s like I lost my Uncle Buck today.

All of the puns are intended.  Can you unmask them all?

Desperately Seeking John Hughes-

Originally Posted on April 19, 2008 by Seriously  Mcmillan

Sigh!

I am now going to write a very personal “Dear John [Hughes]” letter.

Dear John,

I know you are used to millons of adoring fans begging for your return to the film scene. Well, John Hughes. I am not one of these folks. Frankly John, you effed [fu*ked] me up.

That’s right.

As if I didn’t already want a pony as a little black girl in the suburbs in the 1980’s. I wanted red hair and freckles, too. Like Samantha in 16 Candles. And, what did I get John, for my sweet sixteen? I spanking and a cake. I didn’t have the luxury of my family forgetting my birthday and feeling badly about it…NO! I didn’t have a hottie like Jake to swoon over. No Farmer Ted and friends…Nothing!

And, what about Some Kind Of Wonderful? There were no cute Eric Stoltz-y guys with MORE RED HAIR. No passionate guys in touch with their emotions…Well, hell… for other guys their were, but not for straight girls. All the cool filling station guys with a heart of gold were gone. None for me.

Not to mention, I could not convince my principal to have awesome Saturday detentions, which means, I missed out on subculture education. I mean, I would have been the token black kid hanging out with the geek, princess, jock, hood and that crazy pre-emo chick.

John Hughes, I revered your work and I swear… We need to talk. You gotta know how important it is to do a sequel to Ferris Beuller… Gee Whiz, I got the whole treatment written out. It’s awesome. I mean, even you would love it. I read it to my cat with no complaints. There’s this like mega phat IMDB rumor that this is going down without us, you know. John, we cannot let them steal our THUNDAAAAHHHH!

You must rescue us, John. All of us kids of the 80’s are missing our teenhood. It’s your duty to save us. It’s why you breathe! You could turn around one day and just know it…Like Keith knew Watts was the one. Don’t you feel it… Like their first kiss…!

Or the way Andie screeched when she found out she was going to prom with Blane… AAARRRGGGHHHH! Or the Wyatt and Gary looked at Lisa for the first time…Va-Va-Va-Voom!

John…[cough]…I am feeling a little Ferris coming on… I feel a little ill… If I miss one more day…[cough…gag]….Help, John, pleasssseeeee….Ahhhhh!

[Seriously pretends to pass out but keeps one eye open]

Ah, gosh darn it, Edmond Dantes.

John Hughes, I have to blame someone… and it’s partially your fault that I am a writer. I mean, dammit…I could have been working at Target with Jim Dodge, you know. To you, a Hughes Huge “Thanks for the 80’s”!

John Hughes, what I did learn from you is that you are just as young-at-heart as I am and in some alternate universe, we are both still late for class.

Adoringly,

Seriously McMillan

(c) 2008

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