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5 Of The Wildest Baby Gifts Ever!

July 25, 2008

Don’t surprise a new mom to be with any of these gifts.

They are so ridculous, they may put her in labor.

Infant House Cleaning Mop

Let The Babies Do The Housework

She So Ghetto: Let The Babies Do The Housework

Advertised in Asian magazines as a way to “make your children work for their keep”, there is surely a baby mop outfit available in your baby’s size. If your child is of crawling age, simply dress them in the special onesie, place them on a hardwood floor, and watch in amazement as they spring into action. The logic falls in the fact the child is just crawling as usual, and the cleaner floors is a bonus, so no child exploitation here, right?

The Breast Feeding Father Kit

Man Nurses Child

She So Ghetto: Man Nurses Child

From the instant any man dons this apparatus he can count on deeper bonding with his child, getting paid 25% less to do the same job as other men, and being grossly objectified for his sweet, sweet ass. On the flipside, he’ll probably never have to buy his own drinks again.

Heavy Metal Lullabies by Metallica

Heavy Metal Lullabies

She So Ghetto: Heavy Metal Lullabies

Despite what metal purists think, Metallica Lullabies is not a box set of everything they’ve released after “..And Justice For All”. It is reimagined and repackaged metal designed to soothe your baby to sleep and begin brokering their relationship with Satan. Kids don’t usually embrace the Dark Lord until they discover Dungeons & Dragons, so they’ll be way ahead of their peers.

Baby Tattoos

Baby Tattoos

She So Ghetto: Baby Tattoos

Get them all thugged out and ready for the seedy underworld.  These baby tattoos are perfect for those gangsta babies and motorcycle gang kids.

Get ’em started in their rebellion early!

Bald Baby Toupee

You know that baby may have a big bald head and you might try to say that the baby is…cute?

Here’s some help.

Place this crazy toupee on the bald head in question and…voila!

Cover your bald, big head baby with a unique over sized hair piece.

Bald Baby Toupee

SHe So Ghetto: Bald Baby Toupee

Babies, though generally placid creatures, can become extremely violent when defending their territory. All it takes is some fresh fish toddler crawling into your kid’s corner of the sandbox to incite Lego shivs appearing and suddenly you’ve now got a baby on the lam.


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