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Envy Much?: 5 Tips On How To Stop Being The Jealous Frienemy

October 24, 2009

She considers you her friend.  She calls you in the good times and the bad times.

You’ve been there and you’ve supported her.

You’ve answered the phone at 3 a.m. when her blind date went wrong.  You’ve helped her out when she locker her key in her car.

On the other hand, she’s been there for you, too.  She perked you up out of a sour mood when “he” didn’t call back.  She brought you a new fish when your goldfish died.

You are friends.

Then suddenly…success.  She starts to make connections, gaining access to a better position in her life.  She’s starting her own business.  Where she was once borrowing money from you, you are watching her be responsible with her income.  You are watching her business grow while at the same time, your pay and hours are reduced, you are behind on bills and you feel that little green-eyed monster rearing its head.

You are jealous and you have no problem admitting it.  You do not want to feel envious, but you are examining your position versus her position and you could trade places in a second.  I mean, your friend is working hard at what she does, but what makes her better than you?  Why can’t you have the success she is having?

You cannot see straight through the filter of jealousy.  You cannot pretend to behave as loyal of a friend as you were before.  It’s difficult being her friend anymore because a jealous person begins to want one thing and that’s to see the other one fall.

it doesn’t have to be about finance and business or between best friends, you might be jealous about someones new guy or car…Whatever it is, you know you are jealous and you know it’s wrong.  Jealousy will eat you alive and take no prisoners.

Jealousy is a cousin of misery, who likes company. This topic could be about any sort of relationship,

So how do you get rid of this feeling of jealousy.

Here are 5 ways to refocus your focus.

  • Fix Your Focus: Excuse me while I get in your face a little, but, what’s wrong with you?  Nothing, you say?  You’re right.  Nothing is wrong with you.  So, why are you jealous?  You are jealous because you have not adjusted your tracking, like we used to do on those old things called VCR’s.  Remember how videotapes had lines and hissing static going through them and sometimes the lines and static were so bad that the picture and the sound were totally distorted?  You and your ‘tape’ are out of focus.  You need to focus on yourself and your abilities, not your faults and problems.  If your goal is to become as successful as the person you are jealous of, how would you expect to accomplish that when you are wasting energy like spending money on a bad investment?  Aha!  Invest thoughts into you.  Fix the tracking on the VCR of your life.  Focus on you.
  • Save Your Strength: Think of it.  As I said before, you are spending energy on being jealous.  People don’t multitask well, at times.  You cannot focus on making your life better when your focus is on being jealous of someone else.  What can you do to make your life better?  Start from scratch, be honest and find a way.  If it’s about handling finances better, what do you need to make this happen?  If it’s about finding better love or relationships, what do you need to do to make this happen? You can start to become stronger when you focus on your life and your needs.  For whatever reason, your “frienemy” did and their life is showing that they changed their focus and saved their strength for better thing and what they have now.  It take work to become successful at things, not jealousy. What you need in the universe is there for you. Again, that’s why I talk about adjusting your tracking and focus because if you focus on what you don’t have now, how can you save your strength to handle what comes your way.
  • Follow The Leader: We can’t all be Oprah, but some people are jealous of her.  Why?  What i n the world is there to be jealous of?  Her fame and fortune?  At one point Oprah herself was wishing she could be on top of the world as she is today.  How did she do it?  We know that the world is always looking for the next ‘big’ thing.  What if that title belongs to you?  It would seem that you could take the map left behind by others and follow those steps for your success.  It’s not an exact map, but you could tweak it to fit your own needs.  That would certainly begin to put the jealous bug out of business. What is your goal of success?  What is it that you want to do?  Whatever it is, there was someone successful at it before you came along.   Look at what they did to get where they are.  You may want to lose weight, look that the steps those before you took to lose the weight.  You may want to start a new business, follow the steps that successful others took to get where they are.  It’s not an exact science, but it’s a start and shows you’re headed in the right direction.  One step closer to your goal is a step closer to your goal.  Every step counts.
  • Let Go: If you are applying the first three tips to your life, you are moving in the right direction.  Your positively charged ambition cannot dwell along side your negatively charged jealousy.  As you move in the direction to create success in your life, you will move away from envy.  As you move away from envy, you will move toward letting go.  Letting go and being happy for the other person’s success.  Sincerely doing so will allow you to look back at your jealous past and view jealousy from the outside, rather than being in the midst of it.  This new scope should help you see that moving forward in your life means change.  This change for the better.  So, send her your honest and true well wishes and thoughts and you will create more positive energy for yourself.
  • The Perfect Frienemy Lesson: All About Eve- If you want to learn a good frienemy lesson, or watch one in action, I suggest watching “All About Eve”.  Above is a clip.  The movie stars Bette David and Anne Baxter.  Talk about being a frienemies…This is as good as it gets.  Anne Baxter plays a young, sweet actress wanna-be named Eve who blinks her long lashes into the life of  Margo Channing, played by Davis.

Eve becomes Margo’s assistant of sorts and is thoughtful,caring and attentive to Margo and her needs, but the entire time Eve is a slimy snake.  Eve is the perfect frienemy.  And what happens when your Eve thinks that she’s now on top of the world after standing on the bodies of those she manipulated to get there?  Karma, darling. Pure and simple…Karma!

Think of Eve when you think of being a jealous frienemy.  Think of all the good Eve could have accomplished had she fixed her focus off of Margo and onto building her own career for herself.  Think of how powerful Eve would have been on the inside had she saved her strength for living life on her terms and not being underhanded or sneaky.  Think of how Eve would have had sincere friends, if she was only a sincere friend herself.  In the end, all frienemies are left with are with thoughts of what they had and could have had.  We call them regrets.


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