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Dating With Chivalry: How To Impress Your Lady Without Breaking A Sweat

February 6, 2010

Chivalry[1] is a term related to the medieval institution of knighthood. It is usually associated with ideals of knightly virtues, honor and courtly love. The word is derived from the French word “chevalerie”, itself derived from “chevalier”, which means knight, derived from “cheval”, horse (indicating one who rides a horse).

Today, the terms chivalry and chivalrous are often used to describe courteous behavior, especially that of men towards women.

Ok guys.

I am giving you the inside scoop on how to impress the lady you want to take out on a date.  Yes, what I talk about below are things that ladies look for.  I cannot speak for hoochie mamas or sluts and if you are looking for the latter to be part of your life then you seriously have no need to be chivalrous.  You probably seek the comfort of whats-her-face doing the whatchamacallit with you for a couple of hours, leaving and repeating this many nights of your week.

I am talking to the guys who are looking for potential significant others, girlfriends and fiances.

Forget what you do around your buddies.  Forget all those things you do when you let down you hair (figuratively speaking) when you are at home alone.  The farting, the belching and wearing the dirty underwear for days without a shower and the sports (just for a while).

See, if you can wear the same underwear for days without a shower, you should probably be in the house alone anyway.  Not cool.

I am talking to the man, young or seasoned, that is ready to put all of his idiosyncrasies’ aside to capture the heart (and respect) of the one you are falling in love with.  People have to give up something to gain something.  I think we all do that, so don’t look at it as such a bad thing.  It’s a process of life.  You know, showering and changing your underwear and all.

What’s bad (and sad) is when you behave and have the poor manners of  a 12-year-old kid in a 35-yr-old body.  That’s why you are single.

So, here are some quick tips for those guys who are really ready (key word: ready) to impress the girl of your dreams on a date.

  1. Pick A Girl That Likes You, Forget The Ones That Don’t: Yes, it is chivalrous to pick a date that likes you and really wants to date you.  Why?  Because it will spare all the future girls of  the anger you’ll have  against women that started with that one bad apple. Don’t just date her because she is hot, sometimes that heat has melted away at her integrity, character and substance.  You may end up with a shallow, bratty, trashy, teasy gold digger.  Yes, the one your mom, dad and all your buddies and the rap videos warned you about who will just go behind your back dog you to her friends no matter how nicely you treated her.  If a good date and good girl are what you are looking for, just ask yourself if your mom would approve.  If so, keep reading and be the chivalrous gentleman you strive to be.  Need help? Click here for girls you may not want to take home to mom.
  2. Are You Listening? Guys, this part is really important to us women.  We want you to listen to us.  Why?  Because you went through all the trouble of setting up the time for the date, asking us out on the date without knowing if we’d say “No”.  You took a risk, it paid off, now we are convinced that you are interested in us and what we have to say.  Our background, our thoughts on current events…etc.  So, truly be a thoughtful and active listener and if you find that you have similar thoughts or interests, share them with her.  Those are bonus points for you. Let her finish her thoughts.  Don’t interrupt her when she is speaking.  If you missed something that she said, explain that you didn’t hear (or understand) what she said and ask for clarification.  More importantly, this is not a combat or contest.  There are no winners, so don’t compete, attempt to change her mind, insult or try to 1-up her when you disagree with something she says.  Let it go or gently tell her how you see things.
  3. Traditionally Speaking: The bouquet of  flowers when you pick her up, the opening of doors, pulling her seat out at the table, taking her coat in the restaurant.  Go for it.  This lady is special to you and you want her to know that, so sincerely treating her like the delicate flower she is goes without saying.
  4. I Wanna Hold Her Hand: Assuming you have worked up a healthy report with your lady, you may desire more physical contact with her.  Ask her if you may hold her hand and tell her how much it would mean to you if she says ‘Yes’!  Don’t get carried away guys.  You may want to hold her waist, put your arm around her shoulder or pounce, but if this is the beginning of your dating relationship, practice being a little more formal and reserved.  If all works out with her you should understand that good things come to those who wait and patience is a virtue right in line with chivalry.
  5. What’s The Special?: Guys, I know you want to appear cool, suave and smooth on your date and you can do so by making sure to take enough money with you to cover the tab. This is your chance to shine.  Don’t just appear to be in control, take gentlemanly control.  Ask her what she would like and ask her if you could order for her.  When her drink glass is empty, grab your server for her refill.  Save up for the place you want to take your date, especially if the menu is pricey.  Don’t get caught ordering the cheapo specials because you can’t afford the meal…Not to mention the movie or bowling afterward.
  6. Pimp Vs. Proper Gentleman: There are some guys that have this slimy quality about them and the way they dress, this should not be you or your intent.  This flashy, bling-bling sort of “come hither” stare and attitude is worth it’s weight in repellent.  Long nails to pick your teeth with and a pinky ring with creepy looking facial hair, are you kidding?   This look isn’t serious as far a finding a woman of character.  For finding a tramp, your pimp gear may work. Clothing wise, keep it business casual, at least.  Clean, stain-free and stylish.
  7. Arrogance Is Not Confidence: Are you the master of the universe?  If so, then you don’t need this information.  Slow down, tiger.  There is a fine line between being proud of something you want to discuss and being annoyingly arrogant.  Watch her eyes when you are talking.  If they glaze over or her eyes drift off  you and onto the wall decor of the restaurant, stop right there.  She may never say that you’re annoying the heck out of her when you are rattling off of your accomplishments from kindergarten until today or have poor manners and behavior. Remember, this whole date is not about you, it’s about both of you.  Be considerate.  Be confident.  Not Annoying.
  8. Just Like Family: She may ask  you questions about your family, because she may be part of your family one day.  Obviously, if you get along with your family you should feel free to boast with pride.  If you don’t have family or don’t get along with them then it’s best to respectfully steer clear of this topic.  You can end it quickly by explaining that your family situation is a bit complicated, but don’t start dogging your family to a girl you are trying to impress.  Points deducted!
  9. Goodnight Kisses: On First Dates & Beyond: Aww, there is nothing like a good goodnight kiss.  What a way to end an evening.  Goodnight kisses on first dates used to be taboo and nowadays they are taboo.  Yes guys, don’t do it.  Don’t give her a kiss on the lips on the first date.  Now, I know you’re thinking that this advice is way too old school and doesn’t belong in the world today.  Trust me.  Don’t do it.  If you are going to kiss her on the first date, kiss her hand or cheek or both.  She may even want the kiss on the lips, but it’s better to leave her wanting more.  If she puckers up for a smooch, give her a peck on the forehead.  She may be shocked that you didn’t take the bait, but she will know that you have self-control.  I don’t know any lady that dislikes a guy with self-control.  Trust me. As for dates beyond the first, be generous with the kisses.  Smooches and pecks on the cheeks and hands are sweet and innocent.  French kisses should be done when you’re parting for the evening, yet you should still have some self-control.  No face swallowing or tongue exploration.  I can’t say ‘trust me’ enough.  Girls of all ages love guys that practice self-control.  You can’t expect to court a lady in just a few weeks.  It is an ongoing process that may last for months.  Remember, this is not a simple and quick as a text messaged booty call.
  10. Follow-Up- After you drop her off and you are on ‘Cloud 9’ (Yeah, there’s room on ‘Cloud 9’ for guys): Enjoy and savor your experience with your lady.  You may want to send her a friendly text just letting her know that you had a good time.  You may want to phone her up and say this instead of texting her.  Just make sure you let her know within 24 hrs that you had a wonderful time (or not) and will contact her to make plans for the next date (or not).  If thinks are not so peachy, it is chivalrous not to leave her hanging on and wondering where things are going from here.  If you don’t plan on dating her and she still likes you, with all due kindness, gently let her know that the date was an experience that you’ll not soon forget, but don’t mention that you want to end it with her.  Let her know that you’re dating life is open right now and you have things in your life that you will be busy with (like dating other ladies) and it wouldn’t be fair to continue dating her.  Most of the time, ladies will know if a connection has been made or not.  If you’re not making another date with her, and it’s mutual, so be it.  Otherwise, enjoy your next date(s).

Seriously McMillan

For more modern chivalry tips: Click here!

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